🥃 Stress Wasn’t a Sign I Was Strong. It Was a Sign I Was Numb

It wasn’t in a boardroom.

It wasn’t after a tough review.

It was in my kitchen.

I had just come home from a long day—tight jaw, shallow breathing, barely present.

I opened the cupboard to grab a glass.

But my hand was shaking.

I dropped it.

It hit the edge of the counter, and instead of shattering, it spun to the floor and stayed whole.

I stood there stunned. Not because it didn’t break.

But because I realized I was more fragile than that glass.

I’d been carrying invisible stress for months.

Smiling. Producing. Performing.

Trying to “power through” like we’re taught.

But the cracks were forming on the inside.

I knew that day, it was time to "fire" corporate America and follow my entrepreneurial vision. My beloved wife stood beside me. A true blessing.

🧠 The Hidden Cost of Carrying Stress in Silence

Let’s talk real.

Many of us—Black men in leadership, in high-stakes environments, carrying family, career, and cultural expectations—are excellent at endurance.

But what we don’t often talk about… is the slow leak of joy. The burnout that wears a tie. The tension that turns into trouble—mentally, physically, spiritually.

But here’s what no one told me:

You don’t have to be in crisis to choose peace.

And when I did, the results were undeniable.

🛠️ 5 Survival Tools (With Examples)

1. Redefine Winning

Case Study: Randy, VP of Marketing, 47

Randy used to define success by late nights and being “the last one out of the building.”

He was respected, sure. But he missed his son’s basketball games and silently battled insomnia.

After a heart scare and a hard conversation with his wife, he changed his metrics.

1. Now, if he hits 80% of his KPIs and makes it to family dinner 3x a week, that’s a win.

2. He leads his team with clear priorities, not perfectionism.

3. Ironically, his department’s performance improved because his team began mirroring his new pace.

🗝️ Insight: Success doesn’t have to hurt. Redefining what "winning" looks like gives you power back.

2. Step Outside—Daily

Case Study: Nicholas, Software Engineer, 42

Nicholas realized he hadn’t truly seen sunlight in weeks.

He worked from home, took meetings from his couch, and only left the house for groceries.

His therapist challenged him: “Give nature 10 minutes a day.”

Now, every afternoon between meetings, Nicholas takes a walk—no phone, no music.

He uses it to breathe, reset, and unplug from the dopamine loops of stress and scrolling.

His creativity has returned.

So has his sleep.

🗝️ Insight: Fresh air is medicine. Movement is a mindset. Reconnect with the earth, and you'll reconnect with yourself.

3. Kill the “Always On” Myth

Case Study: Donald, HR Director, 50

Donald prided himself on being reachable 24/7.

Emails at midnight. Texts during vacations. He thought it made him invaluable.

What did it do?

Burned him out and made his team anxious. No one knew when they were truly “off.”

He set a new standard:

• No emails after 7 p.m.

• Slack statuses that mean something (and aren’t just for show).

• One digital detox weekend per month.

Now, his staff follows suit. Their performance improved. Turnover decreased.

🗝️ Insight: Being constantly available isn't leadership—it's leakage. Boundaries teach others how to treat your time.

4. Detach from Drama

Case Study: Quentin, Regional Sales Manager, 44

Quentin led a large, high-performing team, but he spent hours every week navigating petty office politics. Gossip. Backdoor rivalries. Microaggressions that would drain anyone.

He started practicing strategic detachment.

He stopped attending unproductive “vent sessions.”

He asked clarifying questions instead of reacting emotionally.

He kept a journal to offload anger instead of internalizing it.

Guess what?

He started getting tapped for national leadership roles—not because he played the game, but because he rose above it.

🗝️ Insight: You don’t need to absorb every vibe in the room. Protect your energy like it's equity—because it is.

5. Create a 60-Second Pause Ritual

Case Study: Martin, Senior Consultant, 53

Before every big client pitch, Martin used to sweat through his shirt.

He was sharp, prepared, but anxious.

He built a ritual:

• Close the laptop.

• Put both feet on the ground.

• One deep breath in for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6.

• Mentally repeat: “I bring value. I don’t have to prove it.”

That 60 seconds became his armor.

Now, his colleagues ask, “How are you always so calm?”

🗝️ Insight: You don’t need an hour-long meditation to reset. Sometimes peace is just one deep breath away.

⚡ This Ain’t About Weakness—It’s About Wisdom

Choosing peace isn’t soft.

It’s a professional edge.

You will never lead powerfully while living in chaos.

You can’t create deeply when your nervous system is always on high alert.

Peace is a productivity tool.

Joy is a leadership skill.

And rest? That’s resistance.

✊🏾 Let’s Reflect, Fam:

• Which of these 5 tools feels hardest for you right now?

• What stress have you been calling “normal”?

• What would change in your work—and your body—if peace became your default?

You don’t need to break down to have a breakthrough.

Sometimes your next level doesn’t require more effort. Just more awareness.

Choose peace.

Practice power.

Lead lighter.

An exclusive, non-judgmental, safe, support group for Black men seeking respite, renewal, and rebound - forming this August. DM me the word "Group" if interested.

See you at the top!

Coach Wayne, The VIP Coach

Helping Black men 40+ regain control, clarity, and confidence personally and professionally.

For weekly tips and insights on improving your midlife experiences professionally and personally, listen to my weekly podcast, Midlife Revolution Unleashed, on your favorite podcast channel.