🖤 The Father Wound at Work: How Unhealed Boyhood Is Costing You Power in Boardrooms and Bedrooms

“What’s wrong with me?”

That’s what David—47, VP of Operations, father of two, asked me in a session not too long ago.

On paper, he was winning: six-figure salary, corner office, respect in the industry.

But something was unraveling.

He was blowing up at his team over small things.

He was emotionally distant at home.

And he was beginning to hate the man in the mirror.

As we peeled back the layers, the real issue wasn’t about his team, his wife, or his stress.

It was about his father.

My Story: The Father Who Loved Me, and the Weight I Still Carried

I grew up in a traditional Christian, nuclear home—both of my parents were present. My father was a strict disciplinarian with a powerful work ethic and a commanding presence. He modeled excellence with unwavering precision. I knew he loved me. I loved him deeply.

But still… I spent most of my life unconsciously feeling like I was never quite enough.

Not good enough to match his standards.

Not strong enough to meet his expectations.

Not successful enough—even when I was objectively doing very well.

Despite all my accomplishments and competencies, I struggled. I was easily angered. I often felt inadequate. It wasn’t until I committed to psychological therapy and Life Coaching as an adult that I finally unpacked what was driving me so hard and wearing me out.

I realized my father’s intentions were good. He was doing what he believed would make me strong and successful. But the child in me, without the language to process it, internalized something else:

You’re only valuable when you produce. You only matter when you meet the mark.

And that belief followed me everywhere: the boardroom, the bedroom, the mirror.

Healing didn’t come from blaming my father.

Healing came when I permitted myself to celebrate who I am without comparison.

To love myself not for what I do, but who I’ve become.

And now I help other men do the same.

The Silent Legacy of the Unspoken Wound

Many of us Black men were never abandoned physically. But we were left emotionally unattended. We were told:

• “Man up.”

• “Don’t cry.”

• “Be better than me.”

And so, we became:

• The overachiever who never feels satisfied.

• The emotionally unavailable father trying to love his kids without a model.

• The powerful man in public who feels powerless in private.

Brother, you’re not broken—you’re burdened.

And the weight didn’t start with you. But it can end with you.

How the Father Wound Shows Up at Work and Home

The wound doesn’t stay buried. It leaks:

• You overreact to criticism from your boss or peers.

• You dominate or withdraw in relationships when you feel unseen.

• You struggle to celebrate your wins, always chasing the next thing.

• You unknowingly pass the pressure onto your kids.

Let’s be clear:

Power without peace is still poverty.

You can’t lead others if the boy inside you still feels unloved, unworthy, and unsafe.

A Coaching Conversation You Were Never Given

Let me ask you three hard but necessary questions:

1. What part of you is still trying to earn your father’s approval?

   Even if he's gone… or even if he already gave it, and you couldn’t receive it.

2. Where do you see this showing up in your leadership style or personal relationships?

   Do you shrink? Explode? Disconnect?

3. What would it mean to father yourself now?

   To remind that young boy who didn’t hear: “You’re good. You’re enough. I’m proud of you.”

Coach's Challenge: 3 Healing Actions for Next Week.

🛠️ Write your father a letter.

Say everything you never got to say. Whether he’s alive or not. Be raw. Be honest. You don’t have to send it—just release it.

🛠️ Identify the traits you inherited—and decide what to keep or release.

Did you learn excellence… but also perfectionism? Strength… but also silence? You get to choose now.

🛠️ Speak your truth to one trusted brother.

Healing thrives in community, not isolation. Your truth could be the mirror he needs too.

You Don’t Need Another Promotion—You Need Permission

You’ve done enough proving. Now it’s time for healing.

That boy inside you is still waiting.

Waiting for you to say:

“I see you. I love you. You’re enough.”

✊🏾 Let’s Do This Work—Together

I coach powerful, high-performing Black men through these silent battles.

Because I’ve lived it.

Because I’ve walked through it.

Because I know how it feels to succeed and still feel like you’re falling short.

🔗 Book a free discovery call and let’s start your healing journey—on your terms.

It’s time to drop the weight.

Let’s rise.

See you are the top!

For weekly tips and insights on improving your midlife experiences professionally and personally, listen to my weekly podcast, Midlife Revolution Unleashed, on your favorite podcast channel.